Mary Sue Fic War Thingy Fic or insert a bad title
by Felix McKraken
Summary: Don't you hate Mary Sue stories? So do I! That's why I wrote one! Oh GOD, what's this.. YAOI? HOW CAN IT BE? The horror...


**(insert a bad title, I was too lazy to think of one)**  
  
A/N: Written in response to Firecracker's "Mary Sue Saiyan" because in her comments she said it was bad fic war time and we all know hot to get the Super Katze's attention. *nodnod* In other words, this if for you, Firecracker baby. :}  
  
It was a beautiful day. The birds were singing. The sun was shining. Everything glittered and glowed. Vegeta trained really hard in the gravity chamber. Goku fished. As the prince was doing another push-up a portal appeared in front of him. Of course Vegeta was naturally freaked out so he ran behind the console and hid. His tail snapped back and forth. It had regrown when he had felt the most terrible pain in his life..the day Bulma died in a car accident. Oddly enough, Chi-chi had met a similar demise except instead of a car she had been on a place when it crashed. He saw a figure in the bright light which emitted from the portal. He gasped when the most beautiful woman he EVER saw came through. He fell to his knees, wondering if he should worship the goddess. Only goddesses could do portal things, couldn't they?  
  
"Hello," she said. Vegeta could not speak, he was too awed by her beauty. "I seem to have come here by accident," she explained. Suddenly Vegeta leapt forth, grasping her hand and kissing it lightly. "Oh fairest maiden, please give me your name!"  
  
The girl blushed from embarrassment but also because OH MY GOD! IT WAS VEGETA WHO WAS KISSING HER *HAND*!!! "I can't tell you that, Vegeta," she gasped as she knew she said too much. Vegeta was flabbergasted, "How do you know my name!?" He thought for sure she had to be a a goddess.  
  
"Nevermind that..hey, do you sense that!?" she yelled.  
  
"A very evil force is coming this way!" the prince shouted in surprise. "Well, I'll take care of it!" said the girl as she took off, flying so fast Vegeta could hardly keep up. When they arrived they saw Goku trying to ward off the hideous creature. He got knocked back, and declare, "There's no hope, guys! This thing is too tough!"  
  
Just then the girl's eyes glowed and she raised her arms, reciting an incantation, "DU BIST EIN TISCHBEIN!!"  
  
Suddenly the monster rolled on the ground in agony, clawing at its own eyes, "NOOOOO!" It promptly exploded. "Wow," all the warriors said in awe. Vegeta practically swooned right then and there. Goku was ecstatic, not to mention extremely turned on, after all this female warrior was HOT. He got to his feet and introduced himself, "Hi, my name is Goku! What's yours?"  
  
Vegeta pushed him, growling, "Keep your dirty paws off of her, she's mine!" Goku pushed him back, "Oh shut up! You could only get Bulma and even she cheated on you!" Everyone gasped in surprise. "And how would you know that!?" Vegeta screamed, his entire face red. "I was sleeping with her!" he said proudly, "because I'm the strongest in the universe and I get what I want!" They began to fight with each other.  
  
"Goku! Vegeta! Stop!" the girl commanded, but just just as she opened her mouth to speak, another portal opened up before them and out stepped what looked to be the lady's twin. The new arrival screamed in terror at the hideous sight before her. "A Mary Sue version of me! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" Everyone looked at each other.  
  
"Who ARE you?" asked Krillin.  
  
"My name is Felix, I was temporarily possessed and this is what has come of it." Goku and Vegeta opened their mouths to speak but the second girl silenced them by screaming in funny sounding words. "RAUS! RAUS DEMON KATZE, RAUS!" The Mary Sue began to shrink, squealing ghettoly as the story began to gain some semblance of rationality and sense no matter how slight. "She's dying!" Vegeta screamed in absolute terror. Felix stepped on her evil portion, effictively eradicating the nightmare once and for all, "Good riddance to bad rubbish. Now, let's try this again..."  
  
***  
  
It was a really godawful shitty day. It was like an airborne hurricane fucked every other natural disaster manageable and had a bastard child called THE BASTARD CHILD OF ALL NATURAL DISASTERS. And that was putting it NICELY.  
  
If any living creature knew what was good for its own life, it would flee for cover from the mere thought of the mother earth's hot flashes. Even Vegeta, the biggest bad ass (or bad man) of them all, was inside. He was in his training gravity room capsule chamber place doing very impressive one fingered push-ups. His tail waved behing him contently. It had regrown when the wish he'd made on his birthday cake last year had come true this year. It was either that or it came back because he looks sexier with it, whichever you prefer. Then, in through a huge mother-fucking plot hole, came a strange creature. Vegeta stared, wondering how difficult it would be to kill it, when it spoke.  
  
"Greetings. My name is Felix, and this is my fic," she announced in an announcer-type of voice. Vegeta tilted his head to the side ala confused dog style. "Soooo...like..are you going to blow up the Earth or something?" he asked, still not comprehending the reason some strange female-thing would interrupt his training.  
  
Felix tripped on a plot hole, "Oh, that's right... I'm in like..1,000 times Earth's gravity. Shit." She crumpled to the ground, about to have all her internal organs travel to her feet when Vegeta spared her and turned off the gravity. An idea came to the author and she bounded over to the console. Of course Felix had no fucking clue how to run a capsule, but she thought that if Goku could do it, she certainly could manage! Of course, she had "writer's magic" and could instantly do anything she wanted and gain all knowledge there is about the subject. Kind of like in "The Matrix" where they download stuff into each other's head.  
  
"Do you sense that!?" Vegeta suddenly said.  
  
"No," she replied, "I'm only a Super Katze, baka." Felix then made the gravity -1. "Whee! I'm on the ceiling!" Felix happily proclaimed. Vegeta, who landed on his head, wasn't too happy about the situation.  
  
The door opened and in walked Goku, grinning ear to ear, "HOOOOOWDY!!!" He blinked in surprise as he suddenly hit his head on the ceiling. "I don't remember jumping.." he complained, rubbing his head, "Ow, the ceiling is hard."  
  
"Not the ceiling anymore! It's the FLOOR!" Felix cackled. Suddenly, a plot hole came up and bit them all. The ceiling was round, not flat. They tumbled to the center of the capsule. Vegeta reached for the gravity. "Don't turn it off!" Felix squeaked. 'I wasn't going to turn it off,' the prince thought darkly, 'I was going to turn it up and squish you. Like a pancake. And I like my pancakes very flat.' Another plot hole leapt out of nowhere and chomped at them like Jaws. Make that Jaws from the James Bond movies. The ones with Sean Connery. Gravity bitch-slapped them all because the author gave it tangibleness. "Ow! That really hurt!" Goku said, offended, rubbing his cheek. "How did that happen!?" Vegeta demanded to know. Felix sighed, punching herself in the head, "I said that you reached for the gravity."  
  
"That's it! OUT!" the Saijin prince picked up the girl by the scruff of the neck. "But-but-but....VE-GE-TAAAA!!" Felix whined, making her eyes unnaturally large and sparkly with unshed tears. Goku instantly burst into a fit of sobs, "Oh, 'Geta! How could you throw her out! Look at her? Isn't she perfection on uh..Vans sneakers?" Vegeta's eyes glazed off, looking like he'd taken ONE too many CC's of morphine. "My love.." the prince proclaimed from the bottom of his heart. "EW!" Felix leapt out of his grasp, hiding behind Goku. She pointed a finger accusingly, "Kakkarotto! Vegeta was hitting on me..." Goku batted his eyelashes at her, "And why not? What is there to not hit on?" Felix gasped in horror, "Not you TOO!!!" She scrambled out of the Capsule 3, picking up a metal baseball bat from some place convienientientient (.... :D Har har, too many ient's. Back to fic..) such as her pocket. She promptly hunted down Cupid, beat the living shit out of him, and stole his arrows.  
  
"Yeah!" Felix cheered, "I'm not a general in chibi_vegeta's army for nothin! BOOYA!" She also stole the stupid bastard's wings and braved the near-apocolypse-like weather to find the two last full-blooded Saijins. They weren't hard to find, they were still in the gravity room training gravity simulater room chamber capsule place. She shot Goku with an arrow.  
  
"Ow!" he said, rubbing his butt.  
  
"What's the matter?" Vegeta grumbled, not pleased that his chosen mate got away.  
  
"Well, just now it felt like I got an arrow shot in my a--" he froze in place. Speech was not an option when he was the perfect divine creature before him. Vegeta was gorgeous. Cum in your pants gorgeous. He tried very hard to not succumb to the urge to the just that.  
  
"Why are you looking at me like that?" Vegeta asked nervously. Suddenly the most excruciating pain ever experienced by the prince immobilized him. "Fuck!" he spat breathlessly, falling on the ground and curling into a ball, his face red.  
  
"What's wrong!?" Goku asked, worry and panic in his voice as he rushed to his prince's side.  
  
The ouji moaned in pain, "Feels like...I got...shot in the balls - no...everything. Everything in crotch hurts....Oh god..." He squeezed his eyes shut tight, whining low in his throat. "I'll take a look at it!" Goku offered, his voice a bit TOO cheery for the action he was supposed to do. Vegeta's eyes snapped open, his mouth also opening to yell at the younger man, when he suddenly relaxed. Goku looked like sex wrapped up in a weird orange and navy combination wrapper. "Sure you can look..." Vegeta purred, spreading himself out eagle style. Goku peeled off his body suit, leering at the perfect bronze body beneath him. "Hurts right here..." Vegeta gestured, a very hentai smirk on his lips, mock-pouting, "Kiss it and make it better?" Of course Goku went down on him, mumbling something about his bum hurting. Vegeta groped his MI-T-FINE Kakkarot as he was given the best head ever. So yeah, there was some more foreplay..yawn...yada yada, Vegeta got laid and he fucked Goku senseless, pleasing both of their pains. At least, Vegeta's.  
  
Suddenly they both realized they were being watched. "It's that thing," Vegeta said, looking and sounding bored. "My name is Felix," Felix said, looking offended not even in the least, "And I am the biggest plot hole EVER."  
  
"Why do you say that?" the both asked.  
  
"I'm not even Saijin," she replied, "..Score one for the Super Katze!"  
  
A/N: Now that was different, eh? EH!? I win. Even if I lose, I win. NYA, NYA, NYA! XD 


End file.
